『英語教育』（大修館書店）の2005年１１月号のForumでの拙稿に、「ライティングは突き詰めれば、読者問題と語彙指導の問題」という旨のことを書いた。
その語彙問題。まずは、Lexical choiceである。
トピックに関するキーワードをチャンクやコロケーションの形ですぐに口をついて出てくる状態に準備しておくことが成熟したライティングには欠かせない。高校生の授業でそれを行うのはなかなかに骨が折れる。
日本語の直訳で済むものはそれでいいのだが、こればっかりは、英語でその関連テーマを読んでいないことには始まらない。『表現ノート』という企画はそのためのとっかかりでもある。
授業ではドラフトを提出させた段階で、致命傷になりそうな英語だけを直し、以下のようなハンドアウトを作る。テーマ関連語彙を含む用例集となるわけである。
"Growth and Independence"の idea generation より表現を抜粋したものであり、完全な文になっていないものもある。
- 1. I think money is the most important to live independently.
- 2. I think it makes a person independent to be responsible for others.
- 3. I think that you can tell a person is independent if he or she can think by themselves, and practice something by themselves.
- 4. I think a person's motivation to live independently is the key.
- 5. If you have a secure job, you get secure income and you can live away from parents.
- 6. If you aren't economically independent from your parents, you will not be truly independent.
- 7. If you can't earn money by yourself, it is impossible to be independent.
- 8. Self-control in any field is the key to independence. The "hardest" things are the most effective to an individual.
- 9. Independence means to be able to solve problems by oneself. Living away from parents is the most socially challenging activity for young people.
- 10. Living away from parents is most effective to promote youth an independent spirit. Having a secure job is also very important, but without independent spirit, it is very difficult to have a secure job.
- 11. It is very hard to bring up children if you are not married and you or your husband/wife don't have a secure job.
- 12. Most parents of young generation still have jobs, so it is rare for the youth to care for parents or others.
- 13. People have responsibility by having a secure job. Money is necessary for independence. If parents live close to their children, children are inclined to depend on the parents. Independence spiritually and financially means leaving parents.
- 14. To be able to live alone means to earn enough money to live. It is not independence for him if he receives money from his parents, even if he lives away from them. The wisdom of society, experience in real life and society is also necessary.
- 15. A person who does not trouble others. A person who could economically live alone. A person who has a firm thought to the contemporary society and politics.
- 16. Economical independence and mental independence.
- 17. Earning money → live alone/ buy things → live his/her own → take responsibility You can say □ is independent because □ lives by himself. Being recognized as a member of society.
- 18. Responsible for their own conducts / improve the social orders / see the reality of the modern society / do everything by themselves
- 19. Why do you think that having a secure job is most necessary? --- It's because I take economic aspect to be independent the most important thing. --- People need to earn money to be able to make their own living.
- 20. How can you tell if someone is independent?--- I can tell if someone is mentally, socially and economically independent. Also, if the person doesn't rely on or disturb another person.
- 21. What do you think is necessary for being truly independent? --- To be able to make his or her own living.
- 22. What makes an independent person? --- a will to be eager to be independent.
- 23. Get out into the world / a person who doesn't depend on others for moral support and act of his/her own free will / for the good of society / get a minimum living
- 24. Men tend to think a secure job is important for independence because they have more chances to work than women. On the other hand, women tend to think that bringing up children is necessary to be independent.
- 25. Bringing up children produces parents' mental growth. Without economical independence, you cannot be independent from your parents in other aspects.
- 26. An independent person is someone who can make decisions by himself, and bear the responsibility for every decision.
- 27. It is commonly said that housewives depend on their husbands, because housewives are not economically independent. So, one's independence rests on economical independence.
- 28. It is necessary for a man to be engaged in a stable job in order to keep a good life. Unless you have a secure job and earn money constantly, you may not be able to live alone nor take care of someone else.
- 29. If you don't have a job, you can't nurture your wife and children.
- 30. Food, clothing and shelter / living / earn one's bread / substance money / living costs /
- 31. You cannot support your family without secure income.
- 32. They can get out of the world and will know the way the world goes.
当然、自分の書いたものに朱が入っているわけであるから、そこを見直す作業が要求される。
ドラフトを見た後は、以下のようにフィードバックを与え、書き直しをさせる。
ドラフトを読んでいて気になったコロケーション・語法・論理
- 1. Every other element to be independent is the basis of making our own family.
※ A is the basis of [または for] B という論理においては、A is essential to B; A is required for Bということで、優先順位や重要度は Aの方が高いことに注意せよ。この例文の場合は逆にしなければ論理の破綻を来す。
※ または、 C is based on Dという表現（こちらはDの方が重要であることを示すことに注意）に置き換えて、この順序を活かすか。
- 2. Independence is equal to that they can earn in person. Independence is that human live by oneself without assistance.
※ be equal to の後に節は不可。こういう場合は 動詞のmeanを使う。２文目も同様。in personは「他でもなくその人が直接」「代理人ではなく本人が」という用法が普通。earnの目的語を勝手に省略したのが敗因。
- 3. I think it's the best way to be independence to get married.
※ 形式主語のitを受ける不定詞はどちらか曖昧になるので、目的の方は in order to; so as toにするか、形式主語にせずに、不定詞を主語にするのが書き言葉。この場合は後者の方がいいでしょう。
- 4. I argue that there are psychic independence and physical independence.
※コロケーション。前者はmentalが、後者は economical; financial または socialの方が一般的では？
- 5. Most parents live a long time bringing up their children. Therefore, parents do not need helping right away. They have an ability to live themselves.
※ 最初のliveは spendか？でもthereforeと論理がつながらない。子育てを終えてからの人生が長い、ということを言おうとしたものか？
※ an ability to support themselves; an ability to live on their own
- 6. Independent person don't depend on others for monetary and morally. With a secure job, I can afford continuously in terms of money and mental.
※ 名詞の数と主述の呼応。depend on A for B で A,Bは共に名詞。 monetaryは形容詞、morallyは副詞。
※ continuously は使い方がむずかしいので、別な表現を。steadilyとか for the rest of lifeとか。
※ moneyは名詞、mentalは形容詞
- 7. Without economical independence, you cannot independent from your parents in other aspects.
※independenceは名詞、independentは形容詞。
- 8. Having a secure job needs to have responsibility to his work.
※ needは助動詞として使うなら原則として否定文・疑問文。一般動詞として使うのならモノにはモノ、事柄には事柄を対応させる。このように不定詞を使うのであれば、不定詞の意味上の主語を吟味すること。
※ Having a secure job asks you to have responsibility for your work.← このaskの代わりにneedを用いるのは間違いではないが薦められない。それだったら、haveまで含めて、 requireとか、call forを用いる。
※ Having a secure job requires responsibility for the job.
※ In order to have a secure job, you need to have responsibility for the job.
※ 裏返せば、Unless you are responsible for it, you won't be able to have a secure job. ということ。
- 9. If I get out into the world, I would experience and learn various things there. They make an independent person because I think that I would grow up mentally by them.
※various = many differentということだから、具体化。結局、they, themが分からずじまいで説得力に欠ける。
- 10. The other is that if they live all alone, they must do all of things by oneself. That is why the young people are totally dependent on their parents for food, clothing and shelter. Therefore, I believed that living away from parents is necessary.
※oneselfは代名詞に合わせて。ここでのA. That is why B.は本当に論理的整合性があるか？ここが整備できないと Thereforeにつながらない。
このような指導を経て初めて、定期考査において150 wordsくらいのエッセイ『的』課題を２題書くことを要求することが可能となる。特に、文法問題や、和文英訳ではなく、自分のアイデアを短文であれ英語で書かせる（決して「自由」ではないことに注意）からこそ、accuracyの指導が可能になるということに、教師はそろそろ気づいた方がよい。
