「生成」 と「清々」の間

今では、余程のことがない限り買わない『英語教育』誌だが、6月号は、特集で工藤洋路先生の寄稿があるので電子書籍版で購入。その後、増刊号の話題が私のツイッターのTLを賑わしていて、水本篤先生が巻頭記事、という情報を得たので書籍版で注文。
届いて、見て、水本先生のところのページ数が少なくて…。
ツイートでもぼやいていました。

こちらは書店で、大津由紀雄先生の連載を立ち読みをしてから購入。

この連載、今月号は、

もっと変わった　言語学入門　第3話
「生成AIの登場で英語教育は必要なくなる？」

というタイトルがついています。
増刊号の時期にぶつけるタイミングでの記事ですかね？
表紙を並べてみました。

本当にますます話題の生成（系）AIですが、私も毎日のように使っています。
「英文ライティング」へのフィードバックに関して、上述の増刊号にもいくつか実践例が紹介されていましたが、最大の不満は、

  • 実践者にとってのベスト或いはマックス のフィードバックを与えた場合とAIによるフィードバックとでの比較

がないこと。

  • 文法語法のミスはAIに任せて、人間の教師がその次の段階の論理構成や展開を診る。

っていうのは、ライティングのプロセスを考えた時、果たしてどこまで妥当なのか、疑問が消えません。

私は、1年ほど前にこんな連投をしていました。

※2024年6月4日追記：元の画像も再掲しておきましょう。







特集で、誰かがこういう比較をしてくれれば良かったのに、と正直思います。

ただ、生成(系)AIの最大の利点とも言える、「諭して倦まず」を体現してくれるところは尊敬しているので、手元の英作文・和文英訳の本から、題材を拾って、私なら途中でいやになってしまうかも知れない、

  • 和文英訳の解答をAIに作成してもらう。
  • 教材の解答例の英文をAIに添削してもらう。
  • あるAIが作成した英文を別のAIに添削してもらう。

というのをやってみました。　

今回取り上げたのは、

  • 山田和男　『和文英訳研究　方法と実際』（研究社出版、1986年）

の「4. 幼児体験・日常生活」(p.152)です。ここでは、山本直純氏の文章が採られています。

子供の頃,オルゴールにひかれ,あのうるわしい音色はいったいどうして造られるのだろうか、もしや箱の中には可愛らしい小人達が,何か不思議な楽器をあやつり, 妙なるメロディーを奏でているのではあるまいか,と思った事がある. テレビのなかった時代であったから、ラジオや蓄音器が身近な発音体で、これらの中にも、オーケストラや, 歌い手達が小さくなってかくされていて,指揮者もまた,ひげのはえた人となってそれを指揮しているのではなかろうか、とオルゴールやラジオを解体してみたくなり、親の目を盗んでそっと解体してみたことがある.

まず、DeepLで英訳してもらいました。

When I was a child, I was attracted to music boxes and wondered how they could make such a loud sound, and if there were cute little people inside the box, manipulating some mysterious instrument and playing a strange melody. In those days, when there was no television, radios and phonographs were the familiar sound source, and even in them, orchestras and singers were hidden in small sizes, and the conductor might be a bearded man conducting them.I once stole one and gently dismantled it.

次に、Copilotで英訳。

“As a child, I was fascinated by music boxes. I wondered how those enchanting melodies were created. Perhaps inside the box, adorable little beings manipulated some mysterious instrument, playing those wondrous tunes. In an era without television, radios and phonographs were familiar sound sources. Even within these devices, orchestras and singers seemed to shrink and hide, with a conductor—perhaps a bearded figure—guiding them. Curiosity led me to secretly dismantle music boxes and radios, much to my parents’ unknowing dismay.”

その際のCopilotのコメントがこちら。

The original Japanese text beautifully captures the wonder and curiosity of childhood, and the translation aims to maintain its cohesion and coherence. 😊

続いて、Claude3の英訳。

As a child, I was captivated by music boxes. I wondered how those enchanting tones were created. Perhaps inside the box were tiny, charming people operating some sort of mysterious instrument, playing those wondrous melodies. Since it was a time before television existed, radios and gramophones were common audio devices. I imagined that perhaps small orchestras and singers were hidden inside these devices too, with a tiny conductor sporting a beard leading them as they performed. Driven by curiosity about music boxes and radios, I sometimes stealthily took them apart behind my parents' backs, hoping to uncover their secrets.

その際のコメント。

The passage flows in a coherent way, first describing the author's childhood fascination with the sounds of music boxes. It then extends that sense of wonder to radios and gramophones, the audio devices of that era before TV. The imaginative idea of little people making the music is carried through from the music boxes to the radios. The passage concludes by noting the author's urge as a child to actually take apart these devices to discover their inner workings, doing so furtively to avoid parental disapproval. The cohesive thread is the childlike sense of curiosity and fantasy about the unseen mechanisms creating those captivating sounds.

元々の山田和男氏の英訳を引用します。

As a child, I was very much intrigued by the music box. I wondered how it could make such beautiful sounds as it did, wondered if there were lovely dwarfs hidden in it playing the sweet melodies on some magical instruments.
In those pre-TV days, the radio and the phonograph were the only other things we had at hand that made musical sounds, and I suspected inside them, too, were concealed an orchestra and singers, with a bearded conductor on the podium, who including the conductor were all dwarfed to make this possible. Once I wanted to satisfy my curiosity by taking apart the music box and the radio we had at our home, and did so on the quiet, without the knowledge of my parents.

この山田訳を、Copilotに添削してもらいました。

"As a child, I was deeply intrigued by music boxes. I marveled at the beautiful sounds they produced, wondering if perhaps tiny dwarfs were hidden inside, playing sweet melodies on magical instruments. In those pre-TV days, radios and phonographs were our main sources of musical delight. I even suspected that within these devices, an entire orchestra and singers were concealed, with a bearded conductor standing at the podium—everyone scaled down to make it possible. Once, fueled by curiosity, I secretly dismantled the music box and radio at home, without my parents' knowledge."

同じ山田訳を、今度はClaude3に添削してもらいました。

As a child, I was captivated by music boxes and their enchanting melodies. I wondered how such beautiful sounds were produced - perhaps lovely little people were hidden inside, playing magical instruments to create those sweet melodies.
In the pre-television era, radios and phonographs were our main sources of recorded music. I imagined that inside them too, tiny orchestras and singers were concealed, with a miniature conductor sporting a beard leading their performances.
Driven by curiosity, I once wanted to satisfy my wonder by taking apart the music box and radio we owned at home. So without my parents' knowledge, I stealthily disassembled them, hoping to uncover their secrets.

その際のメモ、コメントがこちら。

Notes:

  • Tightened the first sentence to improve flow
  • Used "captivated" and "enchanting" to better convey the sense of being spellbound
  • Rendered the imaginative idea of little people more concisely
  • Reorganized the second paragraph to improve coherence
  • Used "pre-television era" to clarify the timeframe
  • "Leading their performances" is more concise than the original
  • Consolidated the last two sentences while keeping the core idea intact
  • Added transitions like "So" and "hoping to" for better cohesion

The goal was to smooth out the prose while preserving the wonderful childhood fantasy and curiosity expressed in the original Japanese. Let me know if you need any clarification or have additional feedback!

ここからはAIによる出力の添削。
CopilotによるClaude3出力の添削がこちら。

“As a child, I was captivated by music boxes. I wondered how those enchanting tones were created. Perhaps inside the box, tiny, charming people operated a mysterious instrument, playing those wondrous melodies. In an era before television existed, radios and gramophones were common audio devices. I even imagined that small orchestras and singers might be hidden within these devices, with a diminutive conductor sporting a beard, leading them in their performances. Driven by curiosity about music boxes and radios, I occasionally stealthily dismantled them behind my parents’ backs, hoping to uncover their secrets.”

こちらは、Claude3によるCopilot出力の添削。

When I was a child, I was mesmerized by music boxes and their enchanting melodies. I wondered how those captivating sounds were created. Could it be that inside the box, adorable tiny people were operating some sort of mysterious instrument, playing those wondrous tunes? In the pre-television era when radios and phonographs were common audio devices, I imagined that orchestras and singers were somehow shrunk down and hidden within them too, being conducted by a miniature bearded figure.
Driven by curiosity about the secrets behind those musical sounds, I sometimes stealthily took apart music boxes and radios behind my parents' backs, likely to their dismay had they known.

こちらにも、メモ、コメントあり。

Notes:

  • Started with "When I was a child" for a more natural flow
  • "Mesmerized" nicely captures the sense of being spellbound
  • "Captivating sounds" is more concise than "enchanting melodies"
  • Rephrased the question structure for better flow
  • Used "pre-television era" to clarify the time period
  • Replaced "familiar" with "common" as a more fitting descriptor
  • Rendered the imaginative fantasy more concisely in one sentence
  • Split the last sentence in two for improved coherence
  • Added transitions like "Driven by" and "likely to" for better cohesion

Overall, this translation captures the childlike sense of wonder and imagination very well. My revisions aimed to tighten up the prose in some places for smoother reading flow and cohesion, while retaining the core ideas and tone. Let me know if any other changes could further improve this revision.

面白い、という形容が失礼なら、「可愛らしい」ですよね？
とりわけ

    • "Captivating sounds" is more concise than "enchanting melodies"

のところ。
何故って、Claude3の最初の英訳では、Claude3自身が “I wondered how those enchanting tones were created.”　と “enchanting” という形容詞を選択しているのですから。
そんなものも、彼らの「特性」「個性」のうちです。

英文ライティングの指導評価や、適切で効果的なフィードバックのあり方に興味関心のある方は、今日私が書いたようなことと似たようなことを既に試されていますよね？
何を使うにせよ、使わないという選択をするにせよ、自分の心身の平静が維持できないと続きませんから。

最後に、再度「山田訳」を引用して本日は終わりたいと思います。

As a child, I was very much intrigued by the music box. I wondered how it could make such beautiful sounds as it did, wondered if there were lovely dwarfs hidden in it playing the sweet melodies on some magical instruments.
In those pre-TV days, the radio and the phonograph were the only other things we had at hand that made musical sounds, and I suspected inside them, too, were concealed an orchestra and singers, with a bearded conductor on the podium, who including the conductor were all dwarfed to make this possible. Once I wanted to satisfy my curiosity by taking apart the music box and the radio we had at our home, and did so on the quiet, without the knowledge of my parents.

本日のBGM：あわいに　(TOMOO)

open.spotify.com